


Stay

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 17:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13552572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: Regulus knows he has to leave, but it's harder than just walking out the door.





	Stay

 It was a beautiful morning. Sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains, and a cool summer's breeze swept through the room from outside. It was Sunday, so the usual sounds of stressed commuters and cars outside was absent. It was tranquil, peaceful.

Regulus was lying in bed, wide awake. It was seven o'clock in the morning. Usually he didn't wake up so early, but he hadn't slept a wink last night. He'd tossed and turned and then when he realised he wasn't getting any sleep, he'd resigned to just lying there silently, staring up at the ceiling. Despite it being so peaceful, Regulus was not at peace. His thoughts were loud and distressing and they wouldn't give him a moment's rest. His thoughts were relentless.

The one thought that kept running through his mind was the most painful of all.

' _It's daylight now. I have to leave.'_

He knew he had to go. He would have left hours ago had he not been waiting for the sun to come up. It had been light in the bedroom for around thirty-five minutes now and he'd been stubbornly pretending that it was still dark.

' _It's daylight. I need to go.'_

He tried to remember why it was that he was leaving. If he thought of the bigger picture, it might make it easier to leave. He wasn't leaving for selfish reasons, he was leaving for  _selfless_  reasons. What he was about to do was the most selfless thing he would ever do. He'd do it for all the people who had been hurt because of Voldemort. He'd do it for the families of those people who had been hurt. He'd do it for his own family. He'd do it for Sirius, who had been right all along. He'd do it for Kreacher. He'd do it for a whole generation of people who would grow up in a better world.

He'd do it for…  _him_.

The reason that Regulus had decided to stay till the morning was because he wanted – no, he  _needed_  – to see Barty one last time. His original plan had been to leave in the middle of the night, but when he'd climbed shakily out of bed at two o'clock in the morning he realised he couldn't go without seeing Barty. As he peered through the darkness of their bedroom, Regulus knew that the only way he'd be able to see him would be to wait till the morning when the sun streamed into the room.

But he still hadn't been able to bringt himself to turn his head and look at Barty. He knew that when he  _did_ , he'd have to leave.

' _Just look at him. I have to go.'_

Regulus closed his eyes, trying to keep it together. He wouldn't let himself cry. Letting out a slow, hesitant breath, he opened his eyes again and turned his head.

And Barty was there, fast asleep. Regulus couldn't tear his eyes away. The way his chest rose and fell gently as he slept and the way the sunlight bathed his pale skin, making him look as though he were glowing.

Barty looked so content – so much like the boy Regulus had met at Hogwarts all those years ago. Like the boy who wouldn't hurt a soul, and who was kinder than anyone Regulus had ever met. Regulus gazed at him now and remembered how Barty had been before all of this. Before Regulus had dragged him down and pulled him into something that had changed him for the worse.

Regulus knew that it was own fault. He'd been the one to follow his parents' orders blindly, even though he knew deep down that joining the Death Eaters was wrong. He'd done so, knowing that Barty would do anything to stay with him. And so when Regulus had told him he was going to join, of course Barty joined too. Regulus didn't understand the consequences of his choice to join the Death Eaters and have Barty follow in his footsteps until it was too late.

He'd ruined him. He'd taken the purest, most loving person he knew and made him do things that twisted him into what he was now. Regulus could never forgive himself for that. So he was going to do what was right – he'd go down trying to stop Voldemort so that he could make up for his mistakes and give Barty a chance to find himself again.

"I'm so sorry I did this to you," Regulus whispered, keeping his eyes on Barty. He carefully brought his hand up to move a strand of blond hair out of Barty's face. He wanted to see him properly. He wanted to have this image of perfection in his head as he left to destroy Voldemort's horcrux. This was how he wanted to remember Barty.

"I love you," he whispered, blinking quickly and refusing to let any tears fall. He was about to get up to leave when he noticed Barty was waking up.

Panicking, Regulus sat up. He wasn't supposed to wake up. This hadn't been part of the plan. He couldn't leave if Barty was there,  _talking_  to him. It would be impossible. He made an attempt to slip out of the bed, but he was stopped when a hand wrapped around his wrist. He hesitantly glanced at Barty and swallowed.

"Where are you going?" Barty asked, pulling him gently so that he was lying down again. Regulus sighed.

"I – I was just going to… to make some breakfast in bed. It was meant to be a surprise, but you decided to wake up too early," he lied, hoping that he sounded at least a little bit convincing. He watched as Barty smiled apologetically at him.

"I didn't mean to ruin your surprise," he said. "Wait, why breakfast in bed? Is it an important day? Am I forgetting something? Oh god, is this the anniversary for something special we've done together and I've forgotten?"

Regulus smiled softly and shook his head. "No. I just love you and wanted to see you smile."

"Do you promise? Because if I actually have forgotten an important anniversary then I don't really deserve the breakfast in bed," Barty said quickly.

Regulus knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help himself – he held his arms out. "I promise. Come here," he said, and suddenly Barty was in his arms, gazing intensely into his eyes. Regulus had to look away. Being with Barty was intoxicating and addictive, and he needed to leave. He couldn't let himself be swayed.

"What's wrong?"

Barty had always been good at reading people's emotions, and clearly Regulus wasn't very good at hiding them.

"Nothing is wrong," Regulus said quietly.

"Did I do something?"

"Of course not. I told you, there's nothing wrong," Regulus replied, holding on to him tighter. He never wanted to let go. The very thought of letting him go now made his heart ache.

"I don't believe you," Barty mumbled. "You're acting… strange. I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. There's something on your mind, I can tell."

Regulus forced himself to smile. "You're on my mind. As always."

Barty rolled his eyes. "Stop being a soppy git and tell me what's up."

"The sky?" Regulus replied, smiling sheepishly.

Barty raised his eyebrows. "Yep, there's  _definitely_  something wrong. You  _actually_ made a joke. I'm proud and concerned."

Regulus sighed and pressed a kiss to Barty's forehead. "I'll make your breakfast."

"Reg, please?" Barty said. "Tell me what's wrong. I tell you  _everything_  I'm thinking."

"It's nothing you have to worry about, okay?" Regulus replied.

"Is it something… were you asked to do something?" Barty whispered. Regulus could hear the fear in his voice. He knew Barty was thinking about some of the horrible things they were asked to do as Death Eaters.

"No, I wasn't."

"Then what?"

Regulus closed his eyes, frustrated. He knew he should have just left in the middle of the night. When he opened his eyes again, he smiled warmly at Barty.

"How about this?" he said. "Just let me kiss you, then I'll make your breakfast and when I bring it in, I'll tell you all about what's on my mind?"

He watched Barty's face apprehensively, waiting for the 'no, tell me  _now_ ' that was surely to come. But it didn't. Barty only smiled and nodded.

"Kiss me, then," he said.

Regulus pulled him even closer and pressed his lips against Barty's softly, bringing his hand up to cup his face. He let his thumb graze over his lover's cheek, making Barty moan softly into Regulus's mouth. Barty kissed back, slow at first. He wrapped his arms around Regulus's neck and tangled his fingers in his hair. As the kiss became more heated, Regulus didn't want to ever stop. He kissed with such urgency and feeling that he knew that Barty knew that this may just be their last kiss.

Barty broke the kiss, leaning back a little to rest his forehead against Regulus's. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything," Regulus mumbled, closing the gap between them again. Barty pulled away once more, and Regulus could see that he was crying.

"You're going to do something bad, aren't you?" he said quietly, his voice shaking slightly.

"I'm going to do something  _good_ , okay?" Regulus replied. "I need you to know that."

Barty breathed out slowly, and Regulus could tell that he was struggling to find the words.

"Just don't – don't say anything," Regulus sighed. "This is already hard enough. Just let me kiss you." He tried to kiss Barty again, but Barty sat up quickly.

"If I kiss you, you're going to leave. Aren't you?" he muttered, wiping away the tears from his eyes.

Regulus swallowed and tried to hold it together. If he cried now too, he'd never be able to leave. "I… I have to."

"Then I'm not kissing you," Barty said quickly. "You're not going."

"I'm going whether you kiss me or not," Regulus answered, sitting up and wrapping an arm around him. "But I'd much prefer if you  _did_ kiss me."

"Why are you leaving?" Barty asked, his voice cracking. "Did I… I d-did something wrong, didn't I?"

"I can't tell you," Regulus said. "But it's not about you. You didn't do  _anything_  wrong."

"Is it because… because of how I've… because of the things I've done recently?" Barty asked, blinking tears out of his eyes. "Because I told you how I enjoyed the feeling of… of hurting people?"

"No, it's-"

"-I'll  _change_ ," Barty said, desperately staring into Regulus's eyes. "I can see somebody. A therapist… I don't know. I'll speak to someone. Just  _please_  don't leave me."

Regulus couldn't bear looking at his frantic expression anymore. He knew that no matter what Barty said, there was no way he could change his mind. He was  _going_  to destroy this horcrux. He looked away and pursed his lips, trying to find the right thing to say.

"Reg," Barty continued, reaching for Regulus's hand and squeezing it tightly. "You won't leave me, will you? You can't. You're all I have."

"I know," Regulus said sadly. "I know, and you're all  _I_  have."

"So stay," Barty said, moving so that he was kneeling in front of Regulus. He reached out, holding Regulus's face between his hands, forcing him to look at him. "I  _love_  you, Reg. Stay here with me."

Regulus couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and crashing their lips together. It took a moment for Barty to respond to the kiss, but he slowly relaxed and started kissing Regulus back. It was intense and passionate and frenzied – they were both driven by an uncomfortable feeling of dread that they would never kiss each other again after this. It was wonderful but horrible at the same time, and it was over far too soon.

When it was over, Regulus smiled sadly at Barty. "I love you, too."

"Stay," Barty whispered.

Regulus knew what he had to do. He nodded slowly and breathed out. "Yes. Okay. I'll stay."

The sudden grin on Barty's face made Regulus's heart break. He looked so happy, so relieved. He didn't know that Regulus was lying to him. He didn't know that they'd never see each other again.

"You just wait here, okay? I'll be back in a minute," Regulus said, getting up out of the bed quickly.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back. I'm just grabbing something for you from downstairs. It's a surprise," Regulus said, trying to keep his voice steady.

Barty looked a little suspicious, but he nodded cautiously. Regulus smiled and walked towards the door.

"You promise you'll be back in a minute?" Barty asked as Regulus opened the door. Regulus glanced back at him, giving him a meaningful look. He wouldn't lie to him now. He just wouldn't say anything. He stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

' _Don't cry, don't cry'_ , he thought to himself as he stood in the hallway. He felt as though he was going to be sick, and he knew he had to hurry and get out of there before Barty could stop him.

He grabbed a photograph of them on their last day at Hogwarts from the wall in front of him. He ran his thumb over the photograph, over where he could see them holding hands in their Slytherin robes. They both looked to happy and so carefree. He glanced at Barty's face in the picture and he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

This is how he'd remember him. Not the desperate crying mess of a man that he'd left in the other room, but the younger carefree version of him who was always smiling no matter what.

Regulus held the photograph close to his chest and took one last look around their house, before disapparating with a loud  _crack_.

And with the sound of disapparation, Barty came running into the hallway. The missing photograph on the wall and the eerie silence that was somehow deafening was nothing compared to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that seemed to engulf him in that moment.

Regulus was gone. And so was Barty.


End file.
